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My Experience As A White Man Dating A Black Woman

And, we're shocked that you would be with someone who's White, because That bastardized word, often representing spiritual awareness, somehow has become synonymous in a sub-culture of the Black community with natural hair and extended conversations about the pineal gland.

And exclusion. It was my fault, I suppose I did wear a shaved head, and do use an Akan name. And the beads It's true that I grew up as a black girl child in the American South, and had defining experiences with racism.

I've been called nigger, been a petting zoo, and been harassed by the police. And it's true that, as a dark-skinned girl in the American South, I was a victim of colorism in my own community because my dark was too dark.

There were skin shade comparisons. In part, I left The South because I felt very ostracized. When I moved to Mozambique for the summer in , my life flipped upside down.

I returned from Africa a new person, and sampled Black Nationalism and Afrocentricity in an effort to extend the life I'd fallen for. But the ostracization of God's other children to account for centuries of racial injustice still didn't work for me.

The rumor stream began that I was dating a White man. Then the questions came. And so did my answers. A: Because he's good to me? And he has swag for days.

Goodness is not binary, and Black men are still beautiful. I see you in a picture with The Oppressor, so I'm curious.

Q: You that type of Black that White men like! They don't want 'em yellow Q: You see, when White men date Black women, they're feeding an animalistic nature inside of themselves.

It's carnal. Q: My husband doesn't like seeing White men with Black women, although he dated an Asian woman for a few years. You two should come over!

Cultural and communal pressures guide standards for dating and mating, especially among American Black women.

A report published by Brookings found that while American marriage rates are lower among black women compared to white women, black women are also the group that is least likely to "marry out" across race lines.

Thus, an American Black woman who balks this trend and mates outside of her race will likely be subject to ridicule.

I was struggling with opinions, which I now know to be cultural ignorance disguised as truth, bolstered by popularity. Remember when the Earth was flat?

As I detailed this new struggle with my Love, he offered this: "If loving you gives other people the opportunity to grow, then I welcome it.

And I'm excited. My Facebook feed was inundated with daily injustice, and I honestly tried to log off. But then, there was a shooting in a Black church in South Carolina.

And my president sang "Amazing Grace. One friend posted that she would never again sit with her back to a White man. That week, Drew and I went to a Braves game, and had to walk through "the hood" at night to get back to my home.

I was frightened and my senses were heightened, because I was a woman, who didn't look like the locals, walking through the hood near midnight with my full purse slung across my shoulder.

And I was walking with a White man during one of the most racially tense weeks of the year. I felt like a mark.

It broke his heart. Drew held my hand as we walked through the neighborhood, and he told stories to try and distract me from my panic. He confessed that he was not afraid -- be it his spiritual resolve or because he never had to learn the same fears as me growing up.

I took off my precious gold ring and put it in my cheek. Fifty feet from home, we approached a group of locals under a streetlight and my fears got the best of me.

Because what if the sight of us together incited something that we couldn't be saved from? I felt like Mildred Loving.

He held my hand to secure us, and I let his go to do the same. This seems to be a central lesson in our relationship -- how to love in hard places and to not let go when a good love is threatened by fear and anger real or imagined from the outside.

To overcome the threat as one. And how could I not, when he loves me so damn I have been mis-loved and mistreated in expert quantity.

I have finally fallen in love or risen with a good man, because the support I imagined found me without my asking. Because a love like this is unadulterated -- and not subject to the angers and judgments and fears and ignorance of people nor nations.

Because, in case you haven't heard, LoveWins. A version of this post originally appeared on You Are The Truth. US Edition U.

Coronavirus News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons. Terms Privacy Policy. Part of HuffPost Black Voices. All rights reserved.

Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. We are the best online dating website that you can visit if you are among those white men who finally want to meet and date a black woman or if you are those black women who want to meet and find white men.

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